Should I be more upset about needing comfort food, or how my definition of �comfort food� has evolved? No, more than evolved , no-- mutated .

Today was one of those days. I didn't go for breakfast burritos this morning even though my parents, wicked people and bad infulence that they are, invited me along and told me that I can cheat sometimes. I can't cheat everyday, I responded. I didn't do much the rest of the day. I tried a few more times to log in to my online course (psychology) and still can't, which means I go on falling behind. The most I accomplished was cleaning my car. Being a neat freak consumes too much time, I've decided, but I still do it. Tonight I went to hang out at a park with a crowd ( muchedumbre would be more appropriate here) from church. I was in a bit of an off mood to begin with, and even though I enjoyed myself for a while I just felt down by the time I left. I just feel old and unattractive sometimes, like today. I lost Reva somewhere in the confusion and drove home by myself. As I unlocked my car in the parking lot and got in s�la, happy, younger, giggling people around me were making plans to go to restaurants or each others' houses to keep the night going. I didn't know any of those people very well but I still felt left out and unpopular (that's irrational, but most emotions are). On my way home I stopped and got myself some comfort food (more on that in a moment). When I got home there was a message that Reva had called, so I called back and she asked me to meet her and some other people at a place about 20 minutes southeast of my house. She sounded like she might be having fun and I was happy that she had thought of me, so I got back into the car with my comfort food. I arrived to a table of ten people, three of whom I knew and only two of those well (Reva and Cam). I couldn't eat anything on the menu except a smoothie, with orange juice substituted for the vanilla ice cream. I'm learning how to do this eating-out-while-on-a-diet thing. It's really awful and I feel deprived. Anyway, for a while I was chatty with a couple of nice girls who recently moved to the area, but they left shortly after I got there and so it was myself and Reva and guys and a couple a sweet (sickeningly) girls that they had brought along. This is where it started to go downhill for me again-- watching guys my age and just a little younger falling all over 18-year-old girls who giggle and wear too much makeup and tight clothes and do a poor job of covering their roots. That's a horrible generalization and I feel shallow even saying it, because I talked a little with one of the girls and she was really nice. I still felt old and ignored. Not that I want men making a fool of themselves over me, but it would be nice to not be instantly ignored mid-sentence because a younger girl walks into the room. Reva was more justifiably upset. One of the guys there comes back to Colorado every summer when classes are out, and a few summers ago she asked him out. He didn't say no, he just spinelessly kept flaking on her and now he pretends not to remember or something. He had a brought a girl with him and was fawning over her. It wasn't something that broke her heart by any stretch, but it was unpleasant for Reva. I didn't have a great time, but I was glad that I went so she wasn't there alone.

As we were all leaving she and I stood by her car in the parking lot and comiserated. I told her I was glad that she'd called, that I had gotten food to make me feel better on the drive home. �Ooo, do you have ice cream in your car?� No, no I didn't and I told her that lately, and tonight, my comfort food is a bottle of Odwalla Superfood. The thick green stuff. I love it, it makes me feel good and like my body is clean. My brother calls it �grass juice�. Reva broke into hysterical laughter. I really am pathetic, not only for finding solace in comfort food, but that tonight my soul craved Superfood. I am such a freak.

So, my secret passion for Superfood is my soul-bearing anecdote for the evening, but it made Reva laugh and that's a good thing. I still feel like chopped liver. Off to bed. Maybe I'll wake up feeling sunnier.